So after my last exchange, the nonsense doesn’t seem to stop.

Between “straight” guys who have an idea for a “role” for me, ones who want to talk all day about porn/girls/my job, and various spammers it makes for a day full of pointless and mindless banter.

Here are two from this morning.
Both have been edited down slightly to make it somewhat digestible.

First, from Al Yada.
A twist on the recent scam going around the interwebs.

Al
hello

Chris
hello

Al
how you doing ?

Chris
good

Al
i have a problem that i need you to assist me on

Chris
this should be good

Al
Its a bad news about myself

Chris
lol, like i said, this should be good

Al
I travel to Scotland to check a resort center and i was mugged last night at gun point
all cash, credit card and cellphone was stolen from me at the gun point

Chris
daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn
you ok?

Al
i have reported the issue with the police authority over here, but they’r not helping matters
no..i am not, as i got hurt on my right shoulder

Chris
thats horrendousical

Al
yes, i have problem checking out the hotel

Chris
did they shoot you in your shoulder? maybe you should go to hospital. quick!

Al
as i have bills to settle

Chris
you and me both brother

Al
i have done that already and i the doctor confirmed that i am alright and i do not suffer any critical injury

Chris
were you shot in the shoulder?

Al
no
i was not shot…they only hit me with the gun
i need to check out of this hotel and country tonight if you would help me

Chris
wow
what do you need?

Al
I need to check out the hotel as i have bills to pay
need you to loan me some few bucks so i can sort out the bills i owe here and also go buy a return flight ticket and fly home
will def…refund your money to you when i am back to the State…it’s a promise

Chris
man, thats crazy! what a coincidence!!! i need money to pay bills too! i was just going to ask you for a few dollars! how about if i get some money, i will split it with you and if you get some you will split it with me. deal?

Al
DEAL
no shit….
when are you intending to pay your bills?
maybe we can strike a deal together
as i got some money left in my Bank account

Chris
yea, lets do that, just split it all down the middle

Al
i can only access my account online…but can’t cash money on it

Chris
damn!

Al
I will need you to run around and get me the sum of $700, when i come back tomorrow i will refund you $700 in total…DEAL ?

Chris
deal
you really going to give it back to me though?

Al
can you strike a deal

Chris
i dont know. i DO know i can strike a match and that three strikes and you are out in baseball. that much i am SURE of.

Al
?
with that ?

Chris
with what

Al
get me $700 today, i pay you $900 tomorrow when i return back home
so how can you raise me some money ?
how u mean ?

Chris
wait, why are you calling me mean? what the fuck did i do buddy?

Al
never called you mean….get it
OK
now…tell me how can you raise 700bucks ? for me today

Chris
you said, “how u mean?”
i will start a lemonade stand
or do you think i should go with a bake sale?

Al
so i can go buy my flight ticket and settle the bills at hotel here in London….

Chris
i will start a lemonade stand
or do you think i should go with a bake sale?

Al
any that can fetch you upto that amount….needed
go for it
talk to me, you there ?

Chris
i am
sorry, i was putting some soft batch cookie dough in the oven. i think i am going to do a bake sale.
too cold for lemonade, you know what i mean?

Al
yes
when would you get the money ?

Chris
i don;t know. hopefully as soon as these cookies come out of the oven. shoud i stick with cookies or maybe do some pies and cakes? i was going to stick with sweet breads, they tend to sell quicker and i now this is an emergency.

Al
yea
ok….i will send you email on how to get the money to me over here
so once you get the money do as instructed in the email
ok?

Chris
no, stay with me on here… my email got hacked and i dont trust anyone, but i do trust you.

Al
i have to go….

Chris
but, but…
i want to get you this money

Al
?

Chris
i really want to loan you the $700. i know you need it.

Al
so what we need do now?

Chris
just dont sign off while i finish baking these goods and raising the money to get you out of there and to safety!

Al
i am browsing at a library and i have extended the length of my stay duration in here
so all i can do is go and ll chk my email later

Chris
i guess it wont work then… now i am going to have an extra $700 and all these cookies and i wont know what to do with either!
maybe i can mail you the cookies

Al
fuck off
you playing pranks on me

Chris
nonononono… why would you possibly say that?

Al
here is my email…send me an email
alohaalaloha@hotmail.com
thanks for the chat and bye for now

Chris
i guess i cant send you the money or cookies :(
don’t leave me al yada!

Al is offline.

Next is Emma Göring.
After years of fishing for pussy off the interwebs, I can smell cock from a mile away. Account with no posts, no girlfriends, only guys and very little info and professional pictures? This stinks of penis. Apparently, some of the best parts of the convo were cut off by Facebook Messenger. But there’s still some good stuff. I started replying with rap lyrics at the end. I may continue to do that with bullshitters.

Emma
here’s my village

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beersel

Chris
here’s my village

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philadelphia

Emma
its quite a big city he :-)

Chris
it’s a city of brotherly love. but on 13th street it is more like the city of manly love, if you know what i am saying ;)

Emma
a gay area or prostitition ?
is that illeagal there?

Chris
yes, except for the gays
i mean theres the gays there, but its not illegal for them

Emma
aha..
ik belgium protitition, straight or gay doesnt matter, is legal
it’s even organised by the state and they have to pay taxes

Chris
wooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Emma
a lot of things are different here
we always say: in the USA it seems everything is legal there, but in fact a lot of things arent.. but here in most european countries it’s way more relaxed

Chris
i’m very relaxed

Emma
thats positive :-)
and the state here pays everything
thats i guess the biggest difference
school, doctors and dentist visites, money if you dont find work, money if you have kids, etc

Chris
i dont have any kids. that i know about. if you know what i mean… ;)

Emma
me neither :-)

Chris
we are fucked

Emma
why?
i dont want kids
they are annoying

Chris
good point

Emma
and u?

Chris
yes, i am annoying.

Emma
no i mean, do u want kids?

Chris
oh, only by accident

Emma
do u have a girlfriend?

Chris
several. i am what you call a “playa.”

Emma
aha :-) u fuck a lot? ;-)

Chris
you’re right. im not a playa i just fuck a lot.

Emma
haha, and what type of girls do u like?

Chris
i like ‘em brown, yellow, puerto rican and haitian

Emma
so no blond white girls? :-)

Chris
you know we keep that white girl

Emma
keep it…for…?

Chris
my jewelry too loud, babygurl i can’t hear ya

Emma
heu?
what kind of underwear do u wear? briefs, boxers (tight or loose)..?

Chris
I need ’bout 50 of dem bricks at the top

Emma
what do u mean with that?

Chris
They know we run the streets, mayne dem boys best stop it

Emma
?!

I’m sure there’s more to come.