So I was cruising on the interwebs and came across this blogpost about 10 Things That Porn Gets Wrong. And I felt some type of way about it. So I thought I would rebuttal it. This isn’t saying the author of the post (Nout) is wrong, this is just my response.
I will address each of her points, (and make a suggestion) but to read her explanation you will have to check out her blogpost.
The performers look like they belong in a police lineup.
When the stars look too perfect, people complain it’s not realistic. When it’s realistic, people complain it’s not not enough like a fantasy. Suggested:
A lot of fake sex sounds.
See, some people like different things. Some people like and get wild when they fuck. Some are more silent. I agree that at times it’s way over the top, but sometimes it’s called for. Suggested:
Spitting.
I like spitting. Doing the spitting or having a girl spit in my mouth. Weird? Maybe. But why does what someone dislikes make porn bad? Suggested:
You hear and/or see the director in the background of a scene. Uhm, gonzo? Guessing you aren’t a fan. But I like BTS stuff too. Not to mention the scene in one of my all-time favorites where Dave Navarro directs Sasha Grey in one scene on each set. Suggested:
Crappy audio. Agreed. But… Sometimes the audio and/or video isn’t meant to look or feel like a Spielberg film. It’s supposed to be gritty. It’s not supposed to sound like it was shot on a soundstage. Suggested:
Shaky camera footage, blurry scenes, plain bad production values. Of course. But is this really one that “porn gets wrong”? I mean have you ever seen Night Train To Mundo Fine? No reason to take all of Hollywood to task over a bad film here or there. Suggested:
Jokingly awful background music. Of course! But you do know this is porn, righ? Next you might be annoyed by all the sex they are having in the movie… Suggested:
Terrible editing. Again, I’m with you. But are we really going to cast the net on the industry as a whole? Some have some really exceptional editing as well. Why not talk about how great of a job porn does at editing? Suggested:
The sets look like they were assembled by a 5-year-old. It’s 2010. Yes there amateur stuff, but the sets and locations have gotten exponentially more impressive. There are some that are on par with Hollywood films. So to suggest that the sets are all horrible is grossly inaccurate. Do me a favor, next time you have a kid and they turn five, have them put together something that resembles the set of my suggested movie. Suggested:
Porn logic. Agreed. But, different strokes for different folks. And in today’s day and age variety is the spice of life and several other cliches. But my point. Some get right into the wham-bam-throw it in the turd cutter-thank you ma’am sex, but with so many options out there, there’s plenty to choose from. Suggested:
Now I don’t even make porn but I took offense to some of this. Primarily because of the lumping together of all porn. Six of these could immediately be eliminated by choosing particular studios or company’s with higher production values. But if you are buying your porn in the back room of a movie rental store where you have to slip through the door in the back for the adult section and have to navigate the VHS boxes on the shelf… You are kind of getting what you are looking for and paying for.
In any event, to lump it all in together when porn is such a wide open market these days just goes to feed and reinforce the not always true stereotypes.
If you pay any sort of attention to this blog you know I have a few personal favorites, and Richelle Ryan is one of them. That great combination of sweet and sexy and a big booty… What’s not to like?
Discovering Alexis Texas Studio: Belladonna Directors: Belladonna and Aiden Stars: Belladonna, Nina Hartley, Chris Charming, Steve Holmes, Scott Lyons, Mick Blue, Alexis Texas
I like to give a little explanation why I pick the movies I do. It’s not because I am told which ones, it’s not because I am paid to review certain titles or give them a good or bad review. Usually the reasons are a little more quirky. And boring. Like why am I watching Discovering Alexis Texas? Well, for one, she’s hot and has a great big ass. And I haven’t reviewed anything with her and she’s definitely hot and deserving. But the real reason is my friend Matt Millz. Millz is in love with Alexis Texas. Wanted her contact information. When I asked him if he had it what he would do with it if he really had her email or cell, the best he could come up with is “I would tell her if she’s ever in Philly that I would take her out for a nice dinner.” I’m not a pornstar. Well at least I don’t get paid to fuck on film. But I am guessing that dudes pretty much take two routes when trying to fuck a porn star. One is the huge cock/never-been-fucked-like-I-would-fuck-you route. The other is the nice guy/friend route, which clearly Millz was going for. In either case, Matt doesn’t have her contact info. But he asked me if it would be weird if he bought the Alexis Texas Pussy & Ass toy that is coming out from Doc Johnson. I told him no.
HotMovies.com worked out a super exclusive deal with acclaimed director Cecil Howard to release Scoundrels on the site for 28 days, starting June 22. Scoundrels received Hustler’s all time highest rating and AVN Awards for Best Director, Best Editing and the very first AVN Award for Best Film in 1984.
Ok, usually I don’t plug away at us because part of the game is to make everything seem very exclusive, very exciting. Create hype. But this is pretty incredible.
Why is this so big? Because after a not so successful endeavor releasing two of his titles on DVD, Cecil Howard decided he would rather not release his films on DVD. And these are classic titles from the golden age of pornography. HotMovies.com already has some titles live on VOD, but Scoundrels has been out of print for 20 years and will reappear exclusively with HotMovies.com as a limited time run.
With Cecil Howard directing and the script written by Anne Randall, the film stars Ron Jeremy along with Anna Turner, Ariel Lee, Copper Penny, Lisa B., Marilyn Gee, Sharon Mitchell, Tammy, Tess Mayo, Tiffany Clark, Tigr, Dave Ambrose, George Payne, R. Bolla, Ron Hudd, Sean Elliot and Cecil Howard himself in a non-sex role.
Especially if you worked for Ultima Entertainment. News broke yesterday of a murder at the set/home/distribution center of the adult video company. There’s some conflicting information as far as the details go, but what’s known for sure is that Steve Driver (real name: Stephen Clancy Hill) wilded the fuck out and stabbed 3 people, killing Tom Dong (real name: Herbert Wong), and is on the run.
Most places are suggesting that the hanger-on/scrub/wannabe/ego maniac with an inferiority complex Driver used a prop (samurai sword/machete) to attack Dong and then stabbed the two Ultima Entertainment employees who came to assist Dong.
The people I have talked to that know Driver or worked with him, coupled with what is being reported, I don’t think it is surprising to anyone. Apparently the dude had a history of toting weapons, threatening to use them, and of being a loose cannon. And dudes still on the loose. I’m sure others he has threatened (apparently it’s a long list) are looking over their shoulder in the Silicone Valley.
