So I wanted to start doing an easy, fun, weekly contest.
What I am going to do is put a picture up each Monday and you either have to fill in the thought bubble or caption the picture.
The best will be picked on Fridays and given a 10% discount on SexToys.com or 30 free minutes on SexToys.com VOD.
This weeks picture to caption her thought bubble:
You have until Friday…
Go.
It’s over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A Winner has been chosen and contacted.
Thanks to everyone that entered.
Stay tuned here and to SexToys.com blog for more contests!
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You are NOT going to believe this.
Really.
In fact if I wasn’t the one making this happen, I probably wouldn’t believe it.
You know that old saying, “If it’s too good to be true, it probably is?”
Fuck that quote. They never had my smut peddling job.
But the reality is that I sit here staring at what seems like a never ending mound of shit to give away. I made a little dent with the masturbator contest, gave away fake vaj after fake vaj. But there’s still four left. And at some point my boss gave me a pile of porn which I started throwing in and that was barely making a dent. And yesterday she dropped a bunch of flavored condoms and some condom kit on my desk. Will it ever end?!?!?
So since I’m lazy, I thought why not give it ALL away, AT ONCE…
Here is it:
Now it’s tough to price it out, because who can put a number on a rubber toy like the Virgin Stroker that is a “Soft, life-like masturbator with intact hymen.”? I did come up with a ballpark figure for what this is all worth and it comes in at $1.36 bajillion.
I am going to include the rules below, but here’s how I am going to do it. There is NO DEADLINE for the contest. I am going to pick a winner after I have 253 entries. Why 253? Because it’s my contest. It behhooves you then to tell your friends to enter. Retweet this on Twitter, link to me on blogs, post on your Facebook or MySpace.
I will update the number of entrants daily below.
7/8/10 number of entries:
253!!!!
Send me an email at faketwats@sextoys.com to enter. And since this worked well last time, do me a favor and make your email interesting. Since I am trying to give YOU a pornocopia of free shit, how about giving ol’ Chris Smutjawns something? Tit shot, funny joke, something. Entertain me and I will entertain you.
And I want to clear this up from Jump Street. I am not collecting your emails. You won’t have your info sold to a third party. In fact, I don’t even collect it other than to register you for entering.
And don’t thank me. I’m not giving you guys this stuff out of my pocket. It’s all compliments of the sex toy gods at SexToys.com. Thank them.
HOW DO YOU ENTER?
Send an email to faketwats@sextoys.com. We will not publish your name, nor will we use email addresses for any reason other than notifying winners.
ONLY ONE ENTRY PER PERSON!
We have to get to the magic number of 253. I will sort the entrants by name to make sure none of you all try and double-dip.
IMPORTANT:
Sextoys.com will not publish your name or any personal information, nor will we sell, share or use your email for promotional or sales purposes. Prizes are shipped in plain boxes with no mention of Sextoys.com, or invoices with information on what is inside.
Weekly entries will be accepted immediately and weekly drawings will be held on Thursdays using entries on hand.
By entering the contest, you certify that you are of legal age to receive a sex toy and that sex toys may be delivered to the jurisdiction in which you live. Contestants must be at least 18 years of age (21 years of age in some jurisdictions).
ELIGIBILITY:
No purchase is necessary to enter. Employees of Sextoys.com and any affiliated companies are not eligible to enter or win prizes. You must be 18 years of age (21 in some jurisdictions) or older to enter.
The contest is open to residents of the United States of America and CANADA ONLY. (Sorry to all of our fans in Azerbaijan. I know you have been waiting for the rubber twat giveaway. Maybe next time. Or maybe not.)
WARRANTY:
Sextoys.com offers no warranty on prizes.
THIS WEEK’S CONTEST IS CLOSED!
We have a winner!!
Big Cedric, shoot me an email with you address and I will mail you a vagina in a box. Your second one, didn’t you already win? Lightening and fake pussy does strike the same place twice. TADOW! And of course a few of these. Hope you don’t mind.
Now I need everyone to pay attention.
BIG announcement coming soon for the upcoming contest.
I think people, especially the winner of the next contest, will be very happy.
And very busy…
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Week Six of the epic, world renowned, often imitated never duplicated Free Twat Giveaway is in our sixth week! Yes folks, it’s true. My stockpile of rubber fuckholes is disappearing right before my very eyes.
I nearly shed a tear each time I lovingly put one in a box, pick from my pile of skin flicks, slap the postage on and run it over to the post office. I am so distracted when the postmaster general asks me if there’s anything hazardous or dangerous in the box I nearly reply, “Yes. Especially if you are allergic to having the time time of your life putting your cock inside a chemical compound that resembles a bearded axe wound!”
Luckily I am a pro and never lose my composure.
Since I just referred to a vagina as a bearded axe wound I thought I would give away a twat complete with 100% real fake hair around it. And since it’s week six, and six rhymes with sex, I thought I would use sex six pictures of the Tokyo Love Doll.
Wait, what the fuck?
Did you see that?
* Soft and tight vagina stroker
* Realistic vaginal opening
* Japanese style design
* Ultra realistic CyberSkin feels like real skin
* Open-ended design makes it easy to clean
Tokyo Diva CyberSkin Pussy & Ass is an actual mold of the sexiest Japanese girl. Realistic looking and feeling vagina is made to satisfy you! Her Cyberskin® pussy and ass is soft and sweet. Realistic pubic hair. Authentic Virtual Touch® sensations. She has delicate pink lips with realistic detail. Her tight anal hole is great for backdoor adventures. Masturbator measures 7 inches in total length by 4 inches wide. Tokyo Diva CyberSkin Pussy & Ass is manufactured by Topco. Topco makes the World’s finest adult toys.
For the fine print that’s not fine and has likely never been read in man’s entire existence click here.
To enter the contest email me at faketwats@sextoys.com.
And let’s do me a favor and make it interesting. Since I am trying to give YOU a masturbator AND some porn, how about giving ol’ Chris Smutjawns something? Tit shot, funny joke, something. Entertain me and I will entertain you.
Got it?
THIS WEEK’S CONTEST IS CLOSED!
We have a winner!!
Mistress Kay shoot me an email with you address and I will mail you your very own second vagina to compliment your first one. And because I am also a purveyor of porn, I am throwing in some of this. Hope you don’t mind.
And I am also going to shamelessly plug our winner’s blog, http://kinky-world.net, in hopes that she returns the favor.
Stay tuned to the blog though because later today I will be announcing next week’s prize!
And Mistress Kay, be sure to enter because winning once doesn’t bar you from winning again.
Happy rubber vagina hunting you dirty birdies.
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Are you fucking kidding me?!?!?!
These vaginas are flying out the door like they had wings!
But fear not, I have more phoney balogna holes to bestow!
This week, I wasn’t seemingly content with simply showing you a picture of the toy I am giving away. I wanted to paint you a picture. Literally. So if you can pick out which one I am giving away, you are off to a good start.
Only one of these has the following description:
The Bad Boy Buddies Real Feel Body Anal is a 4 inches in total length masturbation sleeve. Bad Boys Buddies sleeve has a small woman hugging ass up for anal sex. This anal love canal is made of the ultimate love material. The material is super soft. Sex toy is very soft to touch. Masturbation sleeve has ridges built into the inner wall. The Bad Boy Buddies Real Feel Body Anal has a tunnel of ridges. The ridges are spaced evenly apart to create the realism and textured softness of a real pussy. The soft material material will let the user experience a most tantalizing realistic anal ride. Bad Boy Buddies Body Anal is manufactured by Golden Triangle.
And since there’s stacks of porn on my desk, I will throw in some movies.
Since I know no one reads, here is a pic of the stash, some of which will be included.
Email me at faketwats@sextoys.com to enter.
Go ahead and read the rules and here.
This just landed on my desk:
I can’t reveal the titles, but am thinking about giving some away to the winners of the Fake Twat Giveaway weekly contest. I will probably throw a few titles in for each lucky winner.
I know some of you smut devils will be happy with the recent addition to the contest…
