So I figured I would hit you guys off with a list of movies that I have been known to, or caught, masturbating to. I know I did a list of a few favorite pornos a whole ago, but here’s an update.

If the word masturbate bothers you, try: adjustin’ the sundial, agitate the burping gecko agitate the leak, arm wrestle the one-eyed vessel, auditioning your finger puppets, backstroke roulette, bash the candle, be on familiar terms with oneself, beat off, beat the bed flute, beat the bishop, beat the dummy, beat the meat, beat the stick, beef-stroke-it-off, bleed your weed, blow out the brains of Charles the Bald, blow your load, blow your own horn, bludgeon the beefsteak, bop the bologna, bopping bob’s breakfast meat, bopping richard, box the jesuit, boxing bald bull, boxing the one-eyed champ, buff the banana, buff the mahogany, buff the rifle, burp the worm, butter the corn, cane the vandal, charm the snake, choke kojak, choke the chicken, choke the sherrif and wait for the posse to come, chrome the dome, churning the foreskin butter, circle jerk, clean your rifle, clear the snorkel, climb the greasy pole, climb the tree, clobber the kleenex, closet frisbee, clutch the camel, coat prince william sound with love oil, coaxing scooby through the hoop, come to grips with yourself, cook the cream of cock, coralling the tadpoles, crank the love pump, crank the shaft, crank the two stroke engine, create a seal-a-meal, crown the king, cuddle the kielbasa, cuff the carrot, dance with johnny one-eye, date with miss michigan, date with mother thumb and her four daughters, date with rosie palmer and her five sisters, decongest the weasel, defrost the fridge, diddle, dig for change, dishonorable discharge, do battle with the purple helmeted warrior of love, do that crazy hand jive, do the han solo, do the pork sword jiggle, do the rattlesnake shake, do the secret handshake, do the solitary rhumba, do your homework, doin’ the joycelyn boogie, doing a lot of rapid one-arm pull ups, doing the finger dance, doing the long stroke, drain the monster, drill for oil, drive the skin bus, driving stick shift, dummy coming, dunder the devil-dolphin, elect the president, elongate the macaroni, engage in hand to gland combat, engage in safe sex, erotic visual entertainment, escort the one-eyed postal worker out of its denim cell, fasten the chin strap on the helmet of love, fax the pope, feed the ducks, fire the flesh musket, fire the surgeon general, fish for zipper trout, fish with dynamite, fist fuck, fist your mister, fist-kebabing, five against one, five finger sonata, five fingered friendless fandango, five knuckle shuffle, flay the emperor, flick the bic, flog the corpse, flog the dog, flog the dolphin, flog the dong, flog the frog, flog the hog, flog the log, flog the mule, flute solo, fly solo, fondling rhonda, fondle the fig, freein’ willy, friction magician, friggit, frost the pastries, gallop the antelope, gallop the old lizard, gargle the gargoyle, get a date with slick mittens, get aggressive with your noodle, get the german soldier marching, get the glue stick, get your palm read, give it a tug, give yourself a low five, go blind, go on a date with handrea and palmela, go on peewee’s little adventure, go read the playboy one-handed, going skiing with one pole, going to disneyworld, grapple the gorilla, grease the pipe, grease the weasel, greasing your nightstick, grope the magic meat stick, hack the hog, hammering the love steak, hand gallop, hand massage, hand shandy, hand work, handblower, handling business, hang the 23-inch ghost, hang the old man, have a j. arthur, have it off, having a sherman, having an arm-wrestle with your one-eyed vessel, help put mr. kleenex’s kids through college, here comes moby, hitchhike to heaven, hitchhike under the big top, hold the sausage hostage, hold your own, holding a staff meeting, hone the cone, honing the bone, hug the hog, hump your hose, iron some wrinkles, jack hammer, jack off, jamming with elvis, jazz yourself, jerk off, jerkin’ the gherkin, jerking jamby, jerking the turkey, jizzlobbing, juggling the coullions, kicking your roommate out for five to ten minutes to “call your parents”, knead the knockwurst, launching the hand shuttle, liquidate the inventory, lope the mule, lube the tube, make friends with big ed, make friends with righty, make instant pudding, make the bald guy throw up, make the leak gurgle, make vanilla shakes, make wall art, make your creator foam, making glue, making your mother blush, mangle the midget, mangling the mouse, manipulate the mango, manning the cockpit, manual override, marry the widow wrist, mashing the monster, master bacon, milk one-eyed willy, milk the banana, milk the lizard, milk the monk, milking the bull, milking the cow, milking the malt dragon, milking the moose, molest the mole, nerk your throbber, obeying your master, oil the glove, onan’s olympics, one gun salute, one man show, one-on-one’s self, pack your palm, paddle the pickle, paint the pickle, paint the walls, palm-a-la, pat the robertson, pat the soft  chlong, pearl the oyster, peel the carrot, peeling the chilies, perform diagnostics on your mantool, pet your dog, petting your polly, peter beater, phone the czar, play peek-a-boo with mr. johnson, play solitaire, play tag with the pink torpedo, play the one-stringed guitar, play the skin flute, play uno, play with the spitting llama, play with your turtle, playing pocket hockey, playing pocket pool, playing the pipe organ, playing tug-o-war with cyclops, playing with your pleasure zone, playing yank e doodle, pleading the fifth, please your pisser, plunk your twanger, pocket pinball, pole vaulting, polish percy, polish the baguette, polish the beak, polish the rocket, polish the sword, polishin’ the bishop, polishing the family jewels, polishing your knob, pop the cork, pound off, pound the bald moose, pound your flounder, pound your pud, pounding the gavel, practicing a little self-whittling, practicing self abuse, prime the pump, pud wrestling, pull the colonel sanders heimleich manuever, pull the handbrake, pull the weed, pull the wire, pull your taffy, pulling the goalie, pulling the pud, pulling your root, pump the electric goo gun, pump the gas at the self-service island, pump the pope, pump the python, pump the stump, punch the munchkin, punishing woodrow for uppity behavior, pushing the button, put your thumb in the porridge, raise the mainsail, ram the ham, reaching for the skies, relieving stress, relish your hot dog, rent the mannequin, ride the great white knuckler, rob the rod of its sauce, romancing the bone, rope the pony, roughing up the suspect, rub one out, rub the magic lamp till the genie comes out, rub the magic one-eyed wonder weasel, rub the pink eraser, rub the rhubarb, rub the rod, running it up (and back down) the flagpole, running the cheetah, sample the secret sauce, sand wood, say a private prayer in the church of the first holy monkey, schnauzer shuffleboard, scour the tower of power, self love, serta solo, shake hands with abraham lincoln, shake hands with jack mcnasty, shake hands with john thomas, shake hands with mr. happy, shake hands with mr. president, shake hands with the general, shake hands with the midget, shake hands with the wife’s best friend, shake hands with yul brenner, shake the dice, shake the sauce, shake the sausage, shaking hands with the bishop, shaking hands with the unemployed, shaking your thing, shampooing the rug, shellack the shellaleigh, shemp the hog, shift gears, shine the pork sword, shining your helmet, shining your pole, shoot skeet, shoot tadpoles at the moon, shoot the goo, shoot the sherbert, shootin’ putty at the moon, shooting for the moon, shuck the corn, skinning the mule, slam the spam, slammin’ the salmon, slap the big-nosed rasta man, slap the salami, slap the yogurt pistol, slapping pappy, slapping the clown, slapping the flesh gopher, slapping the salami, slapping the stallion, slicking the willie, slinging jelly, smack the oompa loompa, snake fondling, snap the whip, solo play, spank elvis, spank the frank, spank the ham, spank the monkey, spank the wank, spanking the cheetah, spill your juice, spit and stroke, splicing the cable, spoonin’ the cream, spork the dwarf, spucking, squawk the guavel, squeeze the cream from the flesh twinkie, squeeze the juice, squeeze the lemon, stew in your own juices, strain the main vein, straining the noodle, strangle the serpent, stretch the beanpole, strike the pink match, stroke off, stroke the burping gecko, stroke the poker, stroke the satin-headed serpent, stroke the squirmin’ german, stroke the wiener, stroke your twinkie, strokin’, summon the genie, swell the sausage, take a shake break, take  herman to the circus, take the jocelyn elders midterm, take yourself in hand, tame the shrew, taunt the one-eyed weasel, tease the weasle, tenderize the meat, tenderize the tube steak, test your battery, the art of unisex, thrapping, three stroke handsaw, thump the pump, tickle my fancy, tickle the ivory, tickle your pickle, ticklewigglejigglepickle, torque the fork, torque the pork, toss the pigskin, toss the salad, toss the turkey, toss yogurt, tossing off, training the dolphin, treat yourself right, tug the slug, tugging  the tapioca tube, tuning the antenna, turning japanese, tweaking the twinkie, twist the crank, twist the tool, umm..nothing, dude…i’ll be out in a minute, unload the gun, use the force, varnish the banister, varnish the flagpole, visiting anderson’s tool shed, violate the hedgehog, wake the dead, wake wee willie, walk the dog, walk the snake, walking the plank, waltzing with willy, wank, warm up dinner for the altar boys, warm up the instrument,
wave the magic wand, wax on, wax off, wax the car, wax the carrot, wax the dolphin, wax your surfboard, wax the walrus, whack the wookie, whack off, whack willy, whip the bishop, whip the dummy, whip the rat, whip the puppy, whip the stiff, whip the weasel, whip up some sour cream, whip your dripper, whipping off, white storm rising, whitewater wristing, whittle the stick, whizzin jizzim, windsurf on mount baldy, wonk your conker, wonk your donk, work out a stiff joint, work up a foamy lather, wrestle king kong bundy, wrestle the eel, wrestle the one-eyed trouser snake, wrestle with the bald champ, wring out your rope, wring out your rope, wrist aerobics, yank the crank, yank the yoyo, yank your plan to.

Now that we got that out of the way… Here’s my list.
(Disclaimer: This list is not in order AND it’s not even my “favorites.” That’s such a subjective and ever changing list that I decided just to list 5 movies I jerk off to. Frequently.)

1.) Belladonna’s Cock Happy

Now, no collection of movies I JO to would be complete without a Belladonna movie. And there’s just so many to choose from. I picked Cock Happy because it was her film return to fucking dick. While I love to watch her with girls, I just love watching her get plowed by cock. And to celebrate her a return an allstar team of guys were lined up to fuck her silly, every way and hole imaginable.

2.) Kill Girl Kill

Since I put a few favorite stars I think I should put a favorite director of mine on the list, Eon McKai. This is one of McKai’s earlier movies, but like I said in my review, I think you can see where he is going and potential. (I thought On My Dirty Knees, a later work, was a little more refined and showed growth.) Not “his potential” in a “crappy but might be good someday” kind of way either. It’s a really fucking hot film, with really intense and hot fucking in it. I certainly have my favorite scene, but I wanted to point Eon’s work out as whole.

3.) Rob Rotten’s Reality

Clearly I like smuttiness. Clearly Rob Rotten makes smuttiness. Rob’s got a handful of titles under his belt and continues to push the envelope, both as far as the fucking and also creativity having several titles nominated for AVNs over the past few years. I picked this instead of something like The Texas Vibrator Massacre (even though it was a great movie) for the simple reason that I wanted to chose a film that wasn’t plot based. It’s not gonzo, but it also doesn’t pretend to be anthing other than loose, suggested premise of a scene followed by hardcore action with sexy, naughty, dirty girls. See now why I picked it?

4.) Tattooed & Tight 3

So clearly it’s no secret at this point that I dig chicks with ink in their skin. And edgier stuff. The  Tattooed & Tight series was the first, of my knowledge, to blatantly cross porn and tattooing. I liked the first one, was a little disappointed in the second, but Mark Zane restored my faith with this one. Watch as Tricia Oaks sucks cock and gets fucked while she gets a tat? Yes, for real…

5.) X-Rated

This one was kind of epic. It was Pat Myne‘s 100th Fusxion film, and nothing was spared or left out in these six scenes. The line up is incredible. Alexis Amore, Sandra Romain, Mark Wood, Chris Charming, Ben English, Mr. Pete, Nick East, Mark Ashley, Claudio Meloni, Christy Lee, Sascha, Missy Monroe, Jada Fire, Eva Angelina, LT, Arnold Schwartzenpecker, Ace, Carlton Banks, Kelly Wells, Lee Bang, Barry Scott, Joe Blow… Interracial, DP, gangbang, anal, and rediculous hot ladies fucking and sucking their brains out. If you like gonzo porn, you will love this.

So this is my latest list. Not the final completely list, just what tickled my fancy as of late.
Let me know what I missed or you like.